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In The Beginning

Though it may have started even earlier than this event, let's start at the beginning of my journey. It will be four years ago at the end of this month that my son passed away. The moment we found out our son was gone is the moment something inside my mind cracked, changing mine and my husband's lives forever. We couldn't have seen it back then, but that was also the moment that our lives started going in separate directions.

Shortly after, and at the behest of my husband's boss, we went to therapy to speak to a psychologist that specializes in trauma and grief. I had experienced losses plenty in my life; I understood the coping techniques and time needed to grieve, so I didn't see the need to go to therapy for myself. I went to support my husband, nevertheless. Surprisingly, to me, after our first session the psychologist strongly advised that I should to be placed on medication and that my husband would be taught the coping techniques, not take medication. I, very respectfully, told the psychologist that I've never needed medication before and I didn't think it would be necessary given that the only real way to overcome grief and loss was time and coping techniques. She was very professional, accepting my choice and advising me that her door would always be open should I need it. I was determined to get over the loss on my own, I was always strong and handled everything on my own, I always had to be.. especially now; my husband needed me to be strong for him.

My husband was the most lovable optimistic man I had ever met, it was nearly impossible to not get along with him. I always admired that about him and wanted to do everything I could to protect that about him. Seeing life through his eyes always made me feel hopeful and made me think that a happily ever after with this prince charming, that made his way into my heart, was possible. I was willing to do anything to make him happy and always have that amazing lovable optimist in my life. On that day I felt a change in him, and for the first time in our relationship I saw this loveable, strong and optimistic man completely fall into despair. In that moment, I decided I was going to be strong for him.. I would be for him what he was for me all these years, regardless of my true emotional state.

I never would have imagined how things would have ended up with us and how my efforts to protect and keep him happy would lead to the complete and total annihilation of my self and every thing I loved and believed in.

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Hi, thanks for stopping by!

I have spent the better part of 2024 in an intensive healing journey as well as learning more about myself. In an effort to help create a safe space for expressing myself and to encourage others on their own journeys to keep going. Please know that it is never too late to get to know your authentic self.

"To thine own self be true"

-William Shakespeare

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